What do you do when you’ve got 3 best Wisconsinite friends from grade school visiting your stoney ass for a long weekend on the PNW coast?
You buy a shit ton of delicious food like steak, shrimps for the barbie, plenty of snacks, and some refreshing alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks and oh yeah, a 2-gram Moonrock Blunt from Portland Heights.
Because why not right?
Some people chief a small forest fire’s worth of weed in a week but I’m just not at that level nor do I know many people who are.
In this review we explore:
That said I do like to treat myself and my friends so in this review we’ll be taking a closer look at the moonrock infused blunt offerings from Portland Heights and whether or not they’re worth the price.
Maybe that’s because I’m a moderately anti-social suburban weed geek. Or maybe 2 infused grams in one go is an actual shit load.
For both the geeks and the freaks I’d posit that smoking entire blunts isn’t something that’s in our regular rotation so-to speak.
It’s definitely not mine. I like joints. I like having a “financially-beneficial” low tolerance.
Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to, right?
That said, we all have special occasions worth celebrating and indulging a little bit.
For me it’s stuff like birthdays, anniversaries, vacations to other legal states, and most importantly, when friends visit are all times where I like to drop coin on something a bit extra, like moonrock infused big boi blunts for example.
Smell: More Than You’d Expect From a Pre-Packaged Blunt
Surprisingly fresh for a “pre-packaged blunt”.
I’m not trying to say I didn’t have any expectations here and it’s definitely not a comment on the brand. I just feel like the blunt market itself has this weird dichotomy going on where it’s like all or nothing.
Based off my experience with blunts everything is either A) value-oriented scentless trim soaked in cheap distillate or its B) artisanal single-strain hash-snaked pieces of fuckin artistic craftsmanship.
There don’t seem to be a lot a lot of solid in-between “Carhartt-esque” positioned value brands, so yeah it’s generally a lot of DIY with blunts.
That all changed with this experience because IDK shit about dispensary inventory management but whatever Portland Heights is doing is working because this smelled like something I would proudly share.
Having a large infused pre-roll or blunt brand you know you can turn to when you want to impress, now that’s a good feeling indeed.
Planning a bachelor or bachelorette party for a salad-inclined crowd? Moonrock blunt.
Did you just land a job at a pay level you’ve been chasing for years? Moonrock blunt. *unless they test in which case you should try to make a lateral career move homie because fuck that pee test life.
If I had won that recent 1.5M Mega Millions I’d probably keep a humidor full of Portland Heights Moonrock Blunts, Kaviar Cones, and a couple tins of Highland Provisions kief-infused pre-rolls for going mobile.
These are all heavy-bitters son. The land of the green gods. Legendary in their potencies. Feared by some, respected by most, laid out on their ass to all.
Sensation: Aaaaaand Here. We. Go.
Simply lighting this thing up is part is a big part of the experience because it whets your appetite for what’s to come.
Sparking up and starting that smoke you feel like a fucking gladiator about to enter the ring, listening to the stomping roar of the crowd.
Show time baby. Time to spark it up!
I want to emphasize the quality of the construction of the blunt here because it’s flawless. I’d like to see how these hemp wraps are made open day because the consistency of texture is crazy.
This thing is a sleek and sexy little log and when you give it a gentle little squeeze you’ll be delightfully surprised to find it quite moist and supple.
Remember, this is a pre-packed blunt. I can’t remember last time I squeezed something that felt this moist and squishy off the shelf.
There are no veins or irregularities you’d get with a Backwoods or other whole-leaf wrapped blunt. She thus lights up easily and evenly. Just roll it around a bit and then give it a little little puffs to stoke her up.
Take a moment to admire the initial smell of burning hash.
Will your lungs to open up to the thickest densest smoke you’ve ever inhaled (or at least it was for me).
Smoking a Portland Heights is like tossing a damp AF moss-covered log on a raging bed of embers. It’s a lot.
Warning: you cannot smoke this thing low-profile. Light up a moonrock blunt and everyone within earshot is going know about it.
It’s like a fucking oil-dipped torch out of The Mummy movies.
If you were stranded on an island this puppy makes enough smoke that you could easily signal overhead rescue planes with it.
We’re talking environmental-disaster levels burning oil-tanker amounts of smoke here.
I’m pretty sure earth’s ice caps recede a motel ice machine’s worth of ice every time a Portland Heights Moonrock blunt is blazed down. It’s like lighting a dank oil-soaked shop rag on fire. User discretion is advised, newbs enjoy at your own peril.
Surprisingly Smooth For Such Heavy Infusion
The draw is so smooth that you worry you didn’t actually get it lit good but when you flip her around and giver a gentle little blow on the hot end and you see that cherry burn bright orange you know that’s just one smooth ass mother fucking blunt.
Draw effort is utterly minimal and each is still packed with rich lung-coating creamy clouds of smoke. 5 people including 3 Midsest beefcakes got laid out on the beach due to the sass on this stanky little sizzler.
The remaining 1/3rd was consumed just prior to writing this review which, between fixing my atrocious grammar as I go and skipping through songs on Spotify has taken me what feels like over an hour and I’m still mentally torqued to 11.
Moonrock blunts got legs.
This is staying power and that re-enforces my satisfaction as a customer for what I paid for this experience. It’s got legs and that’s what I expect for $22.50
The High Itself: Cheaper Than a Space X Ticket
If you always dreamed about being an astronaut but are terrified of actually going to space then Moonrock Blunts might be for you.
If going to space mentally isn’t your idea of a good time then don’t sweat it, the world of cannabis is so massive there’s plenty of beginner-friendly alternatives out there.
If though the moon does intrigue you, if you’re a huge trekkie, or if you just like having 100% unrestrained child-like fun on a starlit beach, then the Moon Man will be your friend.
This Sunshine Haze “full-spectrum high-THC oil” infused blunt is efficient with its effect.
It’s direct and efficient like Legolas with his arrows in LOTR. It’s like most of the slow-motion kills in 300. It’s like John Wick on your hood with a bullpup 12 gauge.
Congratulations friend, you’ve just bought yourself a very cost-friendly ticket to an intensely impactful journey.
Sunshine Haze is true to its name and shines an intense ray of pure joy on different parts of your brain. Uplifting and curiosity-inducing. Stars twinkling twice as bright.
I’m a big fan of body-locking iNdiCa strains but I cannot deny the versatility a more bright, energetic-leaning infused blunt is.
Hazes seem to have fallen out of favor a bit with current trends but these Kosher Tangie X Super Lemon Haze genetics are a breath of fresh air within a candy-saturated market, and I love my candies.
The moonrock infused nature makes it hit all the harder. It’s the Gränsfors Bruk’s scandinavian forest axe of infused options, ready to build you a fuckin cabin if you’re so inclined.
Jokes are doubly funny.
Stars shine that much brighter.
Sand beneath your feet feels even finer.
Cooler Ranch Doritos taste like they did when you got them in the school-provided lunches handed out on summer trips to the local state park.
Music moves you like it did when you were like “yeah I need to stop what I’m doing and add this to a playlist NOW”.
The smoke could fill a blimp but it’s impressively restrained on the throat and lungs for the sheer density of fog you’re getting with a very average strength puff.
With all the obvious hash oil and kief doing what oils do and smoking up an absolute storm you will likely still be inclined to cough a bit after taking a robust drag, it’s kind of unavoidable given the composition of this weapon of a blunt.
You’re probably going to let a cough or 5 out before smartly deciding to pass it on to the next person in the rotation. It’s part of the experience.
Now, I’m sure all you alpha-Bryce’s and giga-Chads out there will call me a pussy for not slogging through this whole thing myself but that’s just not what I’m into. It wouldn’t be pleasant and I’m not into spending my hard earned money to have a bad time.
Sharing it with your best friends IS most definitely worth the investment though.
It’s hard to beat a night on the beach on the Oregon coast with a small campfire, watching pelicans fly in a bobbing formation above the bay as the sun sets.
About 50% through, with everyone thoroughly zooted, I attempted to extinguish the stinky little torch but it literally came back to life on its own which I took as a sign that it demanded to be passed around at least one more time, which ultimately took us down to 75% or so of the length of the flower-filled part of the blunt.
The night ended pretending to be on the moon, moving awkwardly through the fine beach sand and fire smoke, looking up at the stars scattered about, identifying constellations. It was pretty lit.
Conclusion: A Special Blunt for Special Occasions
The remaining 25% of the blunt was consumed respectfully the next evening.
For some, not finishing a blunt or joint the first time is sacrilegious. I’m inclined to agree, simply because they never taste as good the second time because of that extinguished ash flavor, even if you give it a fresh snip with the scissors.
But I’m again not out to set records or get uncommfy-wumfy simply out of pride or peer pressure. The Moonrock blunt served its purpose. It more than served its purpose, it delivered in spades. It justified its price and then some.
In fact, I did the math and it came out to be like $4 and change per person for a session that resulted in a minimum of 3+ hours of very cherishable times for all present.
The tail on the high on these things is quite long. IDK if that has something to do with the 3 mediums of cannabis material you’re consuming but yeah, she got legs.
The end is like that of a giant 747 coming in for a landing, descending, slowly but hulkingly, from its cruising altitude to come in with a gentle landing upon its 18 massive donut-looking wheels.
I give this 5/5 stars for the Portland Heights Moonrock blunt, at least the Sunshine Haze version I picked up from the friendly and efficient folks at Cannon Beach Oregrown location. Worth the investment no doubt about it.
I’m curious how popular pre-made infused blunts are, like this Moonrock blunt from Portland Heights for example, do you hunchbacks assassinate these things on the daily or are you like me and stingily reserve them for qualifying “special occasions” which can also include trips to Popeyes.
