I’ve really been enjoying the Colorado Sunshine I picked up a couple weeks ago, but it whallops my brain with overthinking (in a mostly fun way). Boy, I’m so glad I have this calming Grape Cream Cake bud to balance things out a bit.
In this review, we explore:
There’s a time and a place for every strain, and for Grape Cream Cake, that’s evenings between 5PM and whenever you end up stumbling into bed. You’ll understand why when we dig into its genetic lineage in a moment.
But first, an overview!
Grape Cream Cake is the extra thick, extra plush bath robes that nice hotels have that are still somehow white as fuck despite the assumed abuse they sustain over time.
No worries here, mate, not on this big puffy purple cream cloud. Grape Cream Cake’s bona fide indica-heavy genetics will have your atoms aligning with the stationary atoms of your couch in no time.
Having this calming high that I think aligns more with my personality is fantastic. I love exploring new and exciting cultivars, but there’s nothing like returning to a favorite flavor profile.
It’s familiar and comforting, almost like a homecoming, especially when the other smoke in my rotation is almost spasmodic in its intensity (in a fun way).
Hallmark Craft From Bloom Seed Company
Grape Cream Cake is one of the strains that Bloom Seed Co. is best known for because of how well the breeding was executed. The appearance is there. The density is there. The smell is there. The flavor is there. The effect is there.
Pheno-hunting to leverage the genetic strengths of multiple plants, rather than just seeking novelty for novelty’s sake, is something worthy of respect and appreciation.
These creamtastic 5-star genetics were grown by a staple Portland cultivator, LOWD, headed up by founders Jesce Horton and Dave Murray.
LOWD bud only lives on the top shelf, metaphorically and literally, at least in dispensaries with shelves. They’re up there with the best in terms of consistency.
Luxuriously decadent (read “dolce”) cultivars you’ll see in their regular rotation include Cake Mints (the first of theirs I tried) as well as creations like Mule Fuel from Thug Pug Genetics, who never disappoints, Wedding Cake, Platinum Garlic Cookies, 503 Wifi, and more. Their recent batch of Raisin Bread I caught a whiff of smelled delicious as well.
Grape Cream Cake Genetic Lineage
Grape Cream Cake is a logical fit for a crew that has Grape Tape, Wedding Cake, Punch Breath, and Cake Mints on their starter bench.
Grape Cream Cake is itself a cross of Grape Pie, Wedding Crasher, and Ice Cream Cake. Did someone say dessert strain?
With Grape Cream Cake, you get a dark-purple grape coconut mousse with a soft, sweet flavor, like melted vanilla bean ice cream.
Dry pulling a joint of this, compared to the Colorado Sunshine I’ve got, is like drinking a melted grape smoothie through a Pixie Stick vs. inhaling Pine-Sol out of a paper bag. It’s the pampering mah lungs desire.
Who said you can’t have your purps AND your cake?!
It’s not just a one-trick flavor pony, either, because the high is of equally high fidelity and hits the low, mid, and high notes all right.
So with that, let’s dive into the Appearance, Smell, Sensation subcategories of analysis, shall we, because things just continue to excite…
Appearance: Open Your Books And Turn To Page #420
If I were to be buried the old-fashioned way, with a tombstone, it would read something like “forever a flavor chaser.” Flavor is what most intrigues me about modern cannabis cultivation.
That said, my vision is quite sharp, and there is no denying how gorgeously this Grape Cream Cake is grown and trimmed, as evidenced by the pictures throughout this review.
Structure-wise, these are about as uniform as things get. These nugs have golden height-to-width ratios with minimal variation between cola. They look like someone’s just hit copy+paste in the LOWD grow room like some kind of wizard.
That’s not the only freaky uniformity of quality on display here. The colors are a gorgeous smattering of light green and orange pistils throughout, barely visible beneath absolute blizzard levels of trichome coverage.
These buds look downright frost-bitten with snowy white trichomes covering every single inch, nook, and cranny of this flower. You’d think the label stating THC % of 29.2% is an understatement, given how dusty these things look.
| Strain: | Grape Cream Cake |
| Lineage: | Ice Cream Cake x Grape Pie x Wedding Crasher |
| Grower: | LOWD |
| THC: | 29.21% |
| Dispensary: | Oregrown |
The ice is out of control, which, along with the structure and trichome coverage, makes this a high scorer across evaluation categories.
It’s not all show, either. Breaking these up requires some finger strength as the plant material seems almost entirely devoid of air pockets within the bud structure, making each nug a dense little morsel of terpy goodness.
I found myself over-grinding simply because the density here is higher than what I’ve had recently. While other strains may be lighter and fluffier and thus require more plant material to pack a solid joint, you only need to break off a fraction of Grape Cream Cake to generate a joint’s worth of fresh ground.
To summarize, this flower is a 5/5 for me. I do like gigantic Moby Dick nugs, don’t get me wrong, but a lot of that just comes down to the plant’s genetics; not everything can be grown into the size of an elephant turd, and that’s just fine.
I’ve absolute confidence this Grape Cream Cake was grown to its maximum genetic potential; Mazda Miatas can be just as fun as massive supercharged muscle cars!
Smell: Rich Karen Perfume Notes Abound
She is sweet, with a light, restrained grape juice box scent, with a hint of vanilla bean. Faint whiffs of lotiony, coconuty perfume that rich middle-aged Karens like to rock at weddings.
It smells like financially successful boomer perfume; something classic, almost retro, even, designed to lure and seduce. It speaks to your nose, tongue, and stomach simultaneously.
The blend of muted grapey fruit with soft cream is a downright pleasant smell. It’s not straight candy terps like Super Boof or Fruit Loops, but it’s also not a full-on gassy grapey goddess like its Grape Pie parent.
There is a sweet, moist, bready creaminess, like the yellow Betty Crocker cake, but with a little extra butter and some sweetened coconut-flake frosting on the outside.
I can’t imagine a person who would turn their nose up at this if you presented a bag for a cheeky sniff. It’s sweet, it’s creamy, it’s honeycomb and Smarties candies. There’s like zero skunk or funk or stank to startle the timid toker.
This makes me think this would be a good low-profile smoke, ironic to its namesake, that wouldn’t actually be THAT “loud,” so to speak, like some real gasoline-fueled strains can be.
Sure enough, I felt way less self-conscious walking around indoor spaces with my PAX vaporizer loaded to the max with this Cream Cake than I do with my Colorado Sunshine herb, which can be almost annoyingly fragrant.
I think this would be a great option to share with a novice smoker to show them what cannabis CAN BE in terms of the cream/cake department. It’s not all Black Widows and Green Cracks out there. Cannabis can have a soft side—a fruity, fuzzy, warm embrace.
So, let’s hug it out and dig in, shall we?
Sensation: Thankful for Soft Carpet
I personally generally hate carpet (I’d live in a cement and wood building if I could), but smoking Grape Cream Cake, or vaping it for that matter, invites you to just turn on the soft warm light lamp, toss on some smooth jazz or progressive house, and just you know, chill out.
Smoking a gram of Grape Cream Cake, I feel it wash over me like warm sheets of water in a steamy shower.
It’s warm. It’s fuzzy. It is relaxing, physically and mentally. It encourages you to just let go, lose control, and embrace the high.
The below remix from Simon Doty was on perpetual repeat for the composition of this review. It encapsulated my mood.
Blazing Grape Cream Cake is a very smooth, subtle experience on the palate. It’s white-gloved, silent, and accommodating. It’ll tuck you in and turn off the light on the way out. Some straight up sweet dreams shit yo!
But then you look down at your joint and realize you have no idea how long you’ve been standing in your bathroom, kneading your toes into your knobby plush bath mat, whilst staring into your mirror, watching the thick clouds of creamy smoke drift up into the lights.
Don’t worry, your body still functions fine, almost like it’s on autopilot, making tasks like heating some soup for dinner feasible. It makes writing these words feasible, although I am blinking a lot and blasting some Simon Doty to help keep me IN. THE. ZONE.
Grape Cream Cake is a stress reliever and joke enhancer, especially on the receiving end. It goes down smoothly, with no coughs or scratchy throats.
The plane reaches its cruising altitude rapidly, like a budget airline’s pilot on the last leg of a 3-stop domestic day, ready to get on with it, but then settles in and lets the autopilot do its thing.
At least that’s how I assume planes work.
Summary: Balanced Grape & Cake
I am aware that the disciples of the church of purp are a devoted crowd, so I must cautiously admit, without ill intent, that while I do enjoy a good grape strain, they aren’t necessarily at the top of my list.
I’m not arguing that they are some of the best-tasting and most unique flavor profiles available in the recreational market. Still, I can’t deny my addiction to hyper-sweet candy strains, of which Grape Cream Cake doesn’t directly compete with, IMO.
Yes, it’s sweet, but it’s well balanced with creamy cakiness, so if you’re looking for straight-up Welch’s grape juice, you may want to look elsewhere.
If you like expertly crafted blends of complementary flavor profiles, backed by Lexus-level, luxuriously thick, creamy smoke and an equally plush high, then Grape Cream Cake should be toward the top of your list.
Bloom Seed Co. breeds great stuff. Their Nitro Fumez is another banger, with a playfully sweet nature and a bit of oily goodness from a Motorbreath parent.
I’ll be remembering this strain fondly and will undoubtedly return to it in the future because it aligns exceptionally well with the flavor profiles and prototypical indica-leaning effects I generally seek out at the dispensary.
